So, the world is pretty messed up right now. I get it. I feel horrible for the people in Harvey's path and awful for those who suffered in Charlottesville and everyone who suffers on a daily basis around the world due to racial discrimination, starvation or debilitating disease. But, you guys, I was in Hawaii and someone stole my watch!!
Soooooo, we're in Hawaii (have to reiterate this point) and we're snorkeling. Awesome beach, cool rocks/coral/fish. Amazing time. I'm being a bit ginger with my foot as I just took the boot off (remember when I broke it? You can consult my last post if you like...) and the place was rocky AF. So I'm sloooooooow. I get out in the water, not many people on the beach, wife and kid are with me. We stay in for about an hour and a half. We get out. We get our stuff and oh shit. My watch is gone. My beautiful, greatest-gift-of-all-time-given-to-me-by-my-cousin-and-cousin-in-law-for-officiating-their-wedding, expensive Star Wars Millennium Falcon cockpit watch! So I scour the beach. I dig in the sand, I look through the car. I look high and low even though I know exactly where I put it. I always know where I put it because it really does mean so much to me. It's always with my wedding ring and my wallet. Never apart. All three things are my precious. I keep them safe at all costs. But I figured, maybe the zipper came open or something. Well as I said I look high, I look low, it is gone. And then it dawns on me to check something. I open my wallet and.......my cash is also gone. Some mutherfucker ROBBED ME! The good news is that my cards, wife's cards/cash, wedding rings, Phones, kid's tablet were all still there. Some asshole just casually strolled over to our backpack and in a flash stole my cash and a piece of my heart. In my haste to find a culprit, I actually approached a couple of transients and tried to guilt them into confessing but then I realized that they could barely walk so I knew it wasn't them and then they asked me for a couple of bucks and I thought, even transients couldn't be low enough to steal someones's shit and then ask the same victim of their crime for more! Could they? Nah! And then I almost confronted another dude but my wife made me stop and witness the amazing sunset that was happening in front of me instead. Which is probably better that she did because A) I had no proof on this guy and B) this guy may have eventually had a knife on me.
Soooooo, we're in Hawaii (have to reiterate this point) and we're snorkeling. Awesome beach, cool rocks/coral/fish. Amazing time. I'm being a bit ginger with my foot as I just took the boot off (remember when I broke it? You can consult my last post if you like...) and the place was rocky AF. So I'm sloooooooow. I get out in the water, not many people on the beach, wife and kid are with me. We stay in for about an hour and a half. We get out. We get our stuff and oh shit. My watch is gone. My beautiful, greatest-gift-of-all-time-given-to-me-by-my-cousin-and-cousin-in-law-for-officiating-their-wedding, expensive Star Wars Millennium Falcon cockpit watch! So I scour the beach. I dig in the sand, I look through the car. I look high and low even though I know exactly where I put it. I always know where I put it because it really does mean so much to me. It's always with my wedding ring and my wallet. Never apart. All three things are my precious. I keep them safe at all costs. But I figured, maybe the zipper came open or something. Well as I said I look high, I look low, it is gone. And then it dawns on me to check something. I open my wallet and.......my cash is also gone. Some mutherfucker ROBBED ME! The good news is that my cards, wife's cards/cash, wedding rings, Phones, kid's tablet were all still there. Some asshole just casually strolled over to our backpack and in a flash stole my cash and a piece of my heart. In my haste to find a culprit, I actually approached a couple of transients and tried to guilt them into confessing but then I realized that they could barely walk so I knew it wasn't them and then they asked me for a couple of bucks and I thought, even transients couldn't be low enough to steal someones's shit and then ask the same victim of their crime for more! Could they? Nah! And then I almost confronted another dude but my wife made me stop and witness the amazing sunset that was happening in front of me instead. Which is probably better that she did because A) I had no proof on this guy and B) this guy may have eventually had a knife on me.
Anyway, while I was looking up past a palm tree and into the beautiful pink sky, I happen to notice, nailed to the tree is a laminated sign which reads: "WARNING! Do not leave valuables unattended on the beach. Lock all personal belongings in your car." So not only did he take my shit but somehow, I'M the asshole.
Ok, it's a watch. Sentimental, yes, but just a time keeper. Earlier that day apparently we had just narrowly avoided being surrounded by jellyfish at one beach and we also were all lucky enough to avoid getting a sea urchin spine stuck in our skin, a fate that befell another little boy at the same beach. So, you know, again, this is not a disaster. It's WAY less annoying than breaking my foot.
So anyway, Hawaii was great. It's an island paradise. But even in paradise, dickheads grow next to the pineapples and coconuts.
I'll have you know that, all kidding aside, I cherished that watch. I had good solid year long run with it and I can only hope that if it can't be safe with me, it gets to witness that red sunset every night, even if it has to be attached to that muctherfucker's wrist as he sharpens his mutherfucking knife, a knife perhaps he didn't even have until he bought it with the cash he stole from my wallet.
I know some of you might be thinking I'm an asshole for posting something so trivial at times like these. And, while I agree with you...that's it. I actually have no argument.
I know some of you might be thinking I'm an asshole for posting something so trivial at times like these. And, while I agree with you...that's it. I actually have no argument.
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